50. Part Time

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​You are just a part time parent, who only holds a title because of genetics. Your love for me is not questioned nor denied. But somewhere in my life, I stopped thinking of you as my superhero. Somewhere in my life I found that he, saved my Queen and I, something you never did. You fell out of love with my Queen and fell in love with her. Dramatic thoughts and insane dreams, were bred by you. My mind went in a spiral of confusion, when I realised the truth to your being. You were never a saviour or a hero, but a coward with planless dreams. You tried to teach me lessons of illusions, but they flaked away with reality. Encouragement could be low but I can never tell. 

You are not a bad person though. Only a unique one, with talents of fable smiles. I do not hate you, nor could I condemn you. Realisation has just dawned upon me and my naivety has been phased away.

49. Are You Ready To Die?

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Are you ready to die? Are you content with dying tomorrow? Are you leaving anything unsaid? Anything undone? Anyone unloved? Are you?

Did you wake up this morning thinking that you could die? Did you think about everything you haven’t done yet because it doesn’t fit into ‘real life’? Did you?

Can you throw out everything you have unnecessarily in your life and be content? Can you live with the basics? Can you be honest? Can you?

Do you love someone? Do you know if someone loves you? Do you see the things your eyes want to see? Do you make peace? Do you make harm? Do you?

Does dying scare you? Does dying sadden you? Does dying prove something to you? Does dying give you an after life? Does it?

So, let me ask you again. Are you ready to die? 

48. Love Lies

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​His voice echoed in my ear, with his words of smooth love. I could still feel his hands on me, even though we hadn’t touched for what seemed like an eternity. The excitement I felt when he looked at me, was still fresh in my heart. My cheeks could still feel the water of disappointment gushing from my eyes, when he slashed through me with his words of hatred. He ripped into my chest and clawed out my heart, while I begged him for mercy. I promised I would never hurt him, but instead I lay with another told them both the same love lies. His eyes when he found out, welled with betrayal and his face drained of any colour. My heart sinked of course, but only because my sensual sin was found out. I didn’t feel pain because I lost a love, but because I lost the attention.

47. Foolishness

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Distracted from my view, by a flitter of an irrevelant thought. At the thought of desperate need and restless desire, I shutter and self scorn. I know within society I stand independant and somewhat unwanted, however within myself I am drenched in vulnerability and washed with eternal sadness. For I am never good enough to overcome societal pressures and never to reach an unearthed potential. I am living amoungst some who dispise productivity and admire to act of clueless fools. 

Although being foolish can bring one bliss, ignorance is always seen as a lack of intelligence. Never to be right they see as never to be wrong. They wish of a life only fable friends, lights of fortune and cameras of fame can produce. The girls smile with their legs and the boys react with their libido. Do not have true feelings in such a cruel world, because only then will you understand why foolishness can bring happiness, and why a smile is not of genuine happiness but only of foolishness. 

46. The Girl With The Knife In Your Back

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She has a wicked tongue.
She speaks lines of hidden hate.
She smiles to the face, but takes a knife to the back.
She will secretly laugh about your insecurities but openly claim to understand.
She lies when confronted with the undoubted truth.
She inserts toxicity into a group of healthy relations.
She is sneaky with the truth about a claimed ‘dear one’.
She says she is loyal but she is all lies.
She lies for a living.

Her make is generically pathological.
Her eyes are very good at hiding the truth.
Her heart seems shattered at the loss of one she purely depended on.
Her act of replacement is seamless but not unnoticed.
Her vulnerability is closed off to the world and only appears in fragments.
Her ideals are romanticised but secretly so.
Her lies enclose on her, crashing down her ivory tower.
Her insecurities lie in a place rarely seen to the naked eye.
Her reality is different to other’s because she has a warped sense of prioritisation.
Her success will never flourish.
Her goals never to be achieved.
Her life never to be great.
Her job – moral destruction.

45. Rhythmically In Love

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Do you love me for forever and a day?
The answer to the question is clear.
My life’s a blur, a loved up fade.
We’re the only lovers who are sincere.

You’re my saviour from this educated hell,
We ran together far away,
With funny stories we’ll never tell,
So many things we cannot say.

With you, I lost my mind and other things,
Because I lost all sense, but not sensibility
Your rejection I fear along with the harsh stings,
But for now we have no pressing responsibility.

Leave you – never,
Kiss me to rest,
Touch you – forever,
Love me to death.

 

44. Is Anyone Listening?

Posted on by righteouswriter

This is how it happens.
I will either forever be on the run, or forever disappear.
But I tried to stay here.
I silently screamed for help.
I even wrote to everyone for help.
But no one is reading this so I may as well say what I want.
I tried talking to a friend about how I felt inside. She ignored me and gave me some poor advice about being more social.
I also tried writing about my troubles but no one read what I blatantly spelled out for people.
I indirectly asked another friend for help. She was kind and sweet, but also uninterested in what I had to say.
No one cares anymore and it’s ok, because one day they will all regret not listening to me.
One day they will be sorrowful and haunted by their inability to listen to me.
Because everyone starts listening when you’re gone.

43.Sob Story

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Here I sit in a dark room with only the light of the outside world peeking through. I feel trapped inside my own mind and I have no idea how to escape. I cry all of the tears out of my body and still my heart breaks a bit more every second. I need someone to hug me and say it is ok, but at the same I need to be alone and listen to relaxing beats of nothing important. I want to go back in time and relive every moment we had together and make sure it is perfect. The future I would already know of and as bleak as it would, I just need one more moment to tell you everything I never got to because my pride took over my ability to speak. I want to laugh at stupid things again, and I want to be challenged by your intelligence again. I need you to just tell me everything will be ok and that these moments of sadness will go away and somehow just be some tortuous nightmare inflicted upon me by some higher power. I need you to love her again and to hold onto her pain and stop her tears. I need you to tell him you love him and you will always be there. I need you to help me with maths, I need your motivation, I need your kind hearted insults. I want just another minute to tell you how sorry I am for never being what you wanted me to be, and that I am trying everything to become that person you thought I could be. I want two more minutes to hear your laugh and to hear you yell at me for doing something stupid. I want three more minutes to listen to that song with you. And I want just four more minutes to show you how much you are missed and to tell you everything I have wanted to for the past year. I am sorry for everything I did or didn’t do. I am sorry for not being the girl you thought I was and I am so sorry for not appreciating you. You were truly the glue that held everything together and now that you are not here, we are all falling apart and we can’t be fixed with someone else. We need you, because we can’t fix ourselves. It is too hard and I hate seeing her so tired and sad all the time. She needs you. I need you. He needs you. They need you. But you aren’t here anymore and I have no idea why you left us. I have no idea why you, out of all people, were chosen to be taken. You were a good, smart man who loved my mother very much.

You will always be remembered because you were one of the best people I ever knew. You helped me with so much in life, and most of the time I need your help again. But when I turn to you, all I am met with is a cold breeze and a reminder of a brilliant person. You aren’t here anymore, and sometime in my life I will accept that. But that time isn’t now. It isn’t even close to now. Because when I graduate you will not be there. I will not look out to the crowd and see your face.

I am trying really hard, but I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think I can get where I want, when I want. I don’t think I am as smart as you said, and I don’t think I can be everything you thought I could be. I don’t know if you would be really proud of me, because I haven’t actually done anything yet, but someday I will do something that you would be proud of. One day I will say to myself, “yes he would be proud of this.”

But for now I will sit on my darkened room with bleak light, and cry until I continue to. I will stay in my tear soaked clothes and wish you were here telling me to get over myself. I wish you were here to tell me to keep studying and to just keep going. Because honestly I don’t know how long I can keep living. I don’t know how I can keep breathing. I don’t know how I can stay here and live with this pain. I need you to help me and to wash away all the pain. I need the pain to stop. I need the crying to stop. I need the breathing to stop. I need to stop.

42. For One Man

Posted on by righteouswriter

One life taken for another to be born.

One love torn apart to only reunite in the clouds of a mysterious place.

One mind physically stopped and spiritually broadened.

One family broken and can only find a fix within the pain.

One day they will be better and somehow cope with the unbelievable pain.

One night she will stop crying herself to sleep, and just fade into a peaceful rest.

One appointment presented the cancerous news.

One cure which was never found to help.

One spreading cell to another.

One hospital bed is where he laid.

 

One woman fragmented.

One young woman slowly dying inside.

One boy trying to take his life.

One young girl naïve to the truth.

One baby too innocent for the big, bad world.

One man no longer here.

One moment changed everything – forever.

41. Can I Go Away Now?

Posted on by righteouswriter

Would it be ok if I went away tomorrow?
-yes
Is it alright if I never came back?
-yes
Can I be on the run, until I find a place of complete happiness?
-yes
Why don’t I leave right now and disappear?
-do it
What is stopping me, really?
-nothing
You can come with me if you want.
-no thank you though
You can come with me.
-no thank you
You can come with.
-no thanks
You can come.
-no
You can.
-ok